Christian Metal Creep Lures Underage Skanks on Facebook

Derek Brunsveld Ludlow Falls Band Ohio

Parked outside a Chuck E. Cheese in a musty, rusted out conversion van, proudly displaying a hand painted mural of two magestic-as-fuck lions locked in loving embrace… Tripp Eisen is smiling down on his laptop, reading this familiar tale.

Last Tuesday, CBS Cleveland reported that the frontman for some generic ass Christian metalcore band is accused of going balls deep into some underage vagina. Jesus clearly wasn’t the only one doing the touching in this prayer circle. Derek Brunsveld, 24, was arrested Friday for the alleged penetration, and is currently incarcerated in lieu of $10,000 bail. D-Money is expected to face the music in court later this week.

Derek Brunsveld Ludlow FallsApparently, our Jesus loving pedo pal was leveraging his “prolific” rockstar status over the usual batch of trailer park sluts with an axe to grind against daddy. Date-Rape-Derek seemingly did the majority of his dirty work on the popular teen wrangling websites, MySpace and Facebook. A Hood Metal move to say the least.

Miami County 5-0 say his alleged victim was unlikely to be his first and they suspect a 15 and 14-year-old may have also been relentlessly drilled by our idol in question. Derek has since been removed from his role in the band as they scramble to protect what little they have going for them, severing ties by removing his name from their Facebook & MySpace profiles.

Yea, yea, yea… here comes the holier-than-thou, self-indulgent rant chastising this BRO for such heinous and perverse acts. WRONG. Remember what I said about this being a No Front Zone? D-Money was clearly living every Hood Metal hero’s fantasy by using his prestigious status as local rock retard to his advantage.

Derek was simply abiding by his chemistry, his ingrained animal instinct to spray his seed all over the face of any willing teenage cum-dumpster desperate enough for the attention she craves.

But Juice,” you plead, “these poor victims are still children!” Get fucked. Crushing dick aboard the SS Pedophile is sure to be the highlight of these young skanks’ lives. Ten years from now, these bitches will be bent over, receiving yet another tattoo commemorating the birth of yet another child, recounting the tale of the time they got their face fucked by some Bible-peddling, child rapist rockstar.

If there’s grass on the field, play ball. HOOD CERTIFIED, PEDO BEAR APPROVED

Pedo Bear Seal of Approval


  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Myspace
  • Google Buzz
  • Reddit
  • Stumnleupon
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • Technorati
Author: Juice View all posts by

Leave A Response

You must be logged in to post a comment.