Best Vocalist, presented by Rockstar Energy Drink:
And the nominees are…
Andy Biersack (Black Veil Brides)
Amy Lee (Evanescence)
Ivan Moody (Five Finger Death Punch)
Jonathan Davis (Korn)
Hands down, the most douche-laden category of the awards. JAMES DURBIN? AMERICAN IDOL’s JAMES DURBIN?!? Are you shittin’ me Revolver? You think this kinda move is going to garner mainstream media coverage and blow this thing wide open? The only thing you’re accomplishing is revealing yourselves as the advertising whores you really are. Don’t get me wrong, within the context of American Idol Metal, James Durbin was metal as shit. Key phrase here: WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF AMERICAN IDOL METAL. Dear Revolver, GET FUCKED.
Jonathan Davis‘ voice was bitchin’ when I was a brooding, emotionally imbalanced high schooler who found Papa Roach relatable. But now that I’m much older and just a touch wiser, he sounds like a quivering, whining asshole who didn’t get enough hugs from Daddy. Bag pipes are pretty Hood Metal, emotions are not. YOU’RE OUT, Jonny.
Amy Lee? Andy Biersack? You can’t trick me into listening to those records, even for the sake of Hood Metal. I’m not fucking stupid… well, maybe that’s debatable. Five Finger Death Punch are the ultimate suck, but I’m not gunna front, Ivan Moody is a pretty solid vocalist. I dug his work back in his Motograter days (remember those BROs?) but fronting a rappy nu-metal band that I kinda dug when I was an ignorant hooligan surprisingly isn’t enough to lead the pack amongst this crew.
Being a fellow slave to the grind, I’m going with the only legit dood on the list, SEBASTIAN FUCKING BACH. For starters, Skid Row fuckin’ melt faces, without question. Secondly, any metal BRO cool enough to make cameo appearances on the most Hood Metal of television programs, Trailer Park Boys, instantly wins whatever award they are nominated for. This cannot be debated.
Juice’s Pick: The Golden God goes to metal god Sebastian Bach.