Cancer Bats Debut New Video for “Road Sick”

Cancer Bats Dead Set on Living Road Sick

Close out your jailbaitgallery.com window (or at least open a new tab) and relinquish the Muay Thai death grip you have on your penis. The hardcore ruckus bringers of Cancer Bats are back in the fold with some new tuneage. Okay… maybe I was being hasty. Checking out Cancer Bat’s new video is of the utmost importance, but I suppose you could just drop it down to a slow jerk and regain momentum once you’ve commenced the rocking. It’s not very BRO of me to get in between you and your fourth session of the afternoon. Get after it, champ.

Cancer Bats, hailing from Toronto, may have emerged amongst a slew of similarly southern fried hardcore contemporaries in the mid-00’s, but they survived the subsequent fallout by delivering consistent, well executed records that draw influence from a vast pool not limited to the world of hardcore. Take note, n00bs.

You ever get cornered by that “rockstar” dick you know at the local watering hole (the only place you’ll ever encounter this asshole)? Everybody’s got one on the roster. Yea, he loves music. He BLEEDS music. It’s his passion. “WITHOUT MUSIC, BRO… I’D BE DEAD OR IN JAIL, MAAAN.” Fuck’s sake, spare me your pussy wrangling routine, sir.

We’re supposed to buy the idea that he’s a student of the game, a real appreciator of the history and diversity of music. Meanwhile, his band’s Facebook profile description reads like the playlist of your local rock radio station from 2001. “WE’RE A DEATH METAL BAND THAT BLENDS THE BEST ELEMENTS OF PANTERA, THE OFFSPRING AND OLD SCHOOL KORN.” #LEGIT. Facebook is great, because 5 years from now, when this BRO’s proclamations of greatness blow up in his fucking face, you’ll know and be there to let him know you’ll be needing a doggy bag for the leftovers.

So while Johnny Rockstar is blasting dishes in the back of an Olive Garden somewhere, Cancer Bats are on the road, melting faces, and that’s the way it should be. Darwin in action, BROs. “Road Sick” is the first clip off the upcoming record that Cancer Bats promise to be a more “upbeat” affair after the slightly brooding Bears, Mayors, Scraps & Bones. Said upbeat affair, titled Dead Set on Living, will be the band’s fourth full length effort and is due out here in the states April 23rd through Metal Blade Records. Check out the band’s track-by-track breakdown of Dead Set on Living here.

It’s hard not to get behind these guys. Their clear appreciation for the craft, coupled with their light-hearted, self-deprecating demeanor makes them wholly un-Hood Metal and completely fun & approachable. Sure, every asshole with an iPhone and a YouTube account is a¬†bonafide comedian these days, but in a social landscape that takes itself AIDS serious, I always gravitate to bands that naturally marginalize their stature. Something Cancer Bats excel at in this clip.

I have no fuck clue what exactly is going on here, but who cares? It’s a metal video. However, I can succinctly express how this video is hard as fuck. The first point should be glaringly obvious, but I show patience amongst those less perceptive in distinguishing such fine subtleties. What am I referring to, you ask? Portly guitarist, Scott-Fucking-Middleton. Not since Dino Cazares has a metal guitarist looked more insatiably hungry. In an occupation devoid of fatties, due to the strict sluts, cocaine and energy drink diet most in the field adhere to, Scottie-2-Hottie is blazing trails and reppin’ HARD for those of us who require a bra with ample comfort and support. For that noble feat, I tip my cap, as I was once among them. I don’t know what it is about that look, but there’s just something about a supple pair of man-breasts draped over a sleek electric guitar. I can’t imagine how many sticks of Mitchum anti-antiperspirant Scottie burned through during the shooting of that solo alone.

Seaman Smoking PipeAnother crucial detail – by the way, you’ve gotta be soft by now, let go of your cock already – is drummer, Mike Peters, burning a fucking tobacco pipe throughout the entire clip, LIKE A FUCKING BOSS. Ultimately the show is stolen by frontman Liam Cormier, setting the pace for ridiculous with open-faced motorcycle helmets, fake mustaches and enough denim to adequately dress a Canadian wedding party. The 1:25 mark is where he really hits his stride. With the wind machine blasting like it’s a fucking Victoria’s Secret show, Liam executes one of the sexiest, most legendary single leg kicks since 1987 and then proceeds to raise his fist in absolute triumph. Remember when sweet moves like this were the bread and butter of music videos? I miss those days. PURE. FUCKING. SWAG.

Oh yea… and the song is pretty alright too.

HOOD CERTIFIED

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Author: Juice View all posts by
QUIT FRONTIN' BRAH

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