YouTube Nerds: Skate or Grind

Hood Metal Skateboard

I’m a fuggin’ HUGE grind fan, so forgive me for being duped into checking out this powerfully lame video. I knew I was in for a certain amount of torture, as I fucking hate skateboarding… HATE… but fuck it, call me a masochist.

Even the most talented sk8rZ in the world fail to impress me. I’m not one of those stick & ball obsessed man-children… forever sleeveless, hauling around milk jugs of water like I’m perpetually hydrating for a full on exhibition of my alpha-BROness to potential female suitors fortunate enough to receive my seed. Shit, I’m even an action sports fan, namely motocross, but skateboarding has infinitely bored me since my days in the womb. That’s right, baby Juice had some top-notch amenities rockin’ in the womb… satellite cable on a 72″ plasma, 7.1 Dolby surround sound, strobe lights, the whole nine yards. #SWAG

So… YEA. This clip entails a peculiar animated opening that I won’t even attempt to explain. I’m pretty sure that even if I spoke German, it’d still be nonsensical horsehockey. Eventually we get to a bunch of straight-edge vegan dorks dropping horrifyingly wretched farts and a bunch of weak-shit ollies and kickflips and assgrabs and whatever the fuck else you call the maneuvers executed by these extreme-walking hairdoos. You could invest half your afternoon watching these dorks muck about, falling on their asses, but boy howdy, when that ollie is finally landed… a full six inches off the ground… COMPLETE EUPHORIA.

Straight Edge sXe Hood Metal

Who the fuck are skateboarders anyway? I’ve never met one that took it beyond a means of transportation post DUI charges. I suppose I purposely avoid wankers, a classification that also includes the hackey-sack, frisbee-golf, bag-tossin’ bunch too afraid of sweat and real competition to gather up their testicle sacks and be me a man, but these BROs are generally a mystery to me. It’s possible they keep their kickflips to themselves, I sure as shit would.

This clip is solely rescued by the ridiculously awesome German parody-grinders Excrementory Grindfuckers. CEREAL… these guys know how to write music.


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Author: Juice View all posts by

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