Hood Metal Tells the Golden Gods Awards to Get Fucked – Part 1

Golden Gods Awards Revolver

Alright, I ain’t gonna front. I fell asleep about an hour into the complete calamity that was the pregame “black carpet” party, hosted by Dee Snider, some dood named Lzzy Hale and the painfully annoying Jose Mangin of Sirius Radio’s Liquid Metal. I promise the Hood Metal devotees that I will watch the Golden Gods Awards in its entirety, when I get to it, but the bitter taste in my mouth from what I did catch last night isn’t exactly pushing it to the top of my priority list. I’ll check in with another post when I do sit down to watch. In the meantime, let’s break down hour 1.

What a fucking greasy horror show… as predicted by this esteemed journalist. Don’t get me wrong, I think live coverage of a marquee “metal” event like this gets thumbs to the sky from this guy, but what a fucking train wreck. I’m not even going to get into the comedy of errors that ensued every time they cut to a different location, with the crew visibly queuing the “talent” every damn time after a long, awkward delay. Seeing some dood’s arm pop in from behind the camera is an strong indication of the uncontested legitness of Revolver and all parties involved.

Jose Mangin Sirius Liquid Metal Golden Gods

Watching a bunch of socially-awkward metal malcontents in face paint and ridiculous garb try to bury their butthurt attitude towards mass-media as they’re interviewed by the metaller-than-thou Dee Snider is a recipe for television gold, FACT. Well, not so much interviewed as much as being talked at by Dee as he pontificated on the genre he practically built. In between stroking his own proverbial cock and talking about his, no-doubt, scene slut of a daughter and her post-hardcore band (ORLY? EXTREME BRAH!), Dee took as many opportunities to belittle co-host and lead dood from Halestorm, Lzzy Hale. Cereal tho, this trick wasn’t half bad. Granted, the whole operation was fucked as soon as the gate dropped, but Lzzy did well to rep the scene and share some surprisingly poignant thoughts as Dee reminded her that her weak-shit band isn’t as fast as Pantera… BRAH.

George Michael EarringThen, there was Jose. Jesus Fucking Christ… Jose Mangin. I’m loosely familiar with this asshole’s obnoxious work on Liquid Metal, but his performance during the hour I could keep my eyes open was the highlight of the entire program. A complete fucking stereotype from head to toe, with some of the most ridiculous fruit-cake earrings I’ve seen since George Michael, Jose effectively embarrassed every half-intelligent metal head and most notably, his father, who was later seen manually castrating himself. Get a fucking haircut, weirdo.

What was Jose’s main contribution to the show? Besides throwing up horns and death-growling at disoriented fans looking to burn heaters and bury some quik-beers on their way inside the venue, Jose engaged in some riving interviews with fans, as well as hosting some type of impromptu karaoke event in which randoms would get in front of the camera and bring shame to their family name. Did you see the Marilyn Manson kid covering “Beautiful People“? Fuck, kid… I realize the 11th grade of Roosevelt High School will never know your inner angst, but laying to rest any hopes you have of getting laid this decade isn’t going to make life any easier. I know your BROs thought that shit was BOSS, but believe me… what you just did, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I’ve ever seen. At no point during your mediocre, obnoxious performance, were you even close to anything that could be considered Hood Metal. Everyone who tuned in is now dumber for having seen it. I award you no points, and may Dio have mercy on your soul.

HOOD METAL LIVE TWEET RUNDOWN

I tweeted a bit during the event. Follow me at @Hood_Metal.

Revolver Golden Gods Awards 2012

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Author: Juice View all posts by
QUIT FRONTIN' BRAH

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