Monday Hood Metal Video Blowout

Monday Hangover

It’s Monday. You’re still drunk. You’re breathing like a panther. You’re sweating through the female body inspector t-shirt you’ve been claiming to be a “big hit” at every public outing since 1997. You can’t find your wallet, your car keys and there’s a petite young lady-boy in nothing but a scarf & a pair of Crocs incapacitated in your bedroom. You might want to check his pulse before heading to work… and get tested.

You could kill some Advil, suffocate the alcohol with some McDonald’s, drink a bunch of water (aka Yuppie juice), pound your head against your keyboard, or any of the other useless strategies available in the epic battle versus your hangover. Or how about this? You COULD be a MAN and blast out the cobwebs with some sexy new metal videos. That’s right. Time for the Monday Hood Metal Video Blowout. As Adam Carolla would say, let’s get it on.

5. Lionheart – Lifer

Reppin’ for the Bay, the hardcore knuckle-draggers in Lionheart are a band I’ve merely dabbled in, so I’m not gonna front like I know these guys’ deal. I happened to stumble upon the news of their spankin’ new clip “Lifer” and figured I had a couple minutes for a beardo-BRO skinhead who appears to mean serious business and ain’t afraid to rape a bitch. Totally Hood Metal material.

Heavy as fuck mid-tempo riffage, XXXL white tees, slow-mo marches through tha mothafuckin’ streetz, inspirational spoken word breaks imploring you to overcome your obstacles, everyone looking HAM, and of course, breakdowns… everything I love from the BROcore genre. MOSH

Lionheart’s new album ‘Undisputed‘ is available in stores and online May 8th. Pre-order it here.

4. Decapitated – Homo Sum

#4 on the Monday Metal Blowout comes from Polish death metallers Decapitated off their 2011 release, ‘Carnival is Forever‘, which got a little roughed up by some critics (except Blabbermouth, a site who’s apparently never heard a bad record), but I thought was a decent listen.

Bottom line though, this shit rips. Plus you know how I fucking love minimalism in metal clips, and this one’s rockin’ minimalism in spades. Longhairs bringing the fuckin’ ruckus, leaving it all out on the field. Fuckin’ A BROs. Dreds are still completely unacceptable on white doods, but given the massive girth of Decapitated’s metal cock, I’ll allow it.

Carnival is Forever is out now, buy it here.

3. Municipal Waste – Repossession

Another new clip from Richmond crossover madmen Municipal Waste. As usual… good vibes, good times, fun thrash, no douchebaggin, no pretentiousness. At this point, if you’re not down, GET FUCKED.

The Fatal Feast is out now, buy it here.

2. Every Time I Die – A Typical Miracle

Also maintaining momentum off a new record release are Hood Metal favorites Every Time I Die with their new live footage clip for “A Typical Miracle“. Wake up, people. Every Time I Die have proven themselves the diamond in the metalcore shit pile and if you’re not aware of this, you’re fuggin’ up.

I’m watching all these videos as I write this up, it’s called “research”, and this one’s got me all boned up. Hold for a second while I proceed to fucking RAGE.

Ex Lives is out now, get it on iTunes here, nerds.

1. Black Breath – Home of the Grave

Okay, I’m back. Wha? Sweet flyin’ fuck!? A Hood Metal countdown including Every Time I Die and they aren’t occupying the #1 slot? Not this time bitches, and for good reason. Coming in as the number one video to kill your hangover (caution: side effects may include seizure-like dance moves and dicks being blown off) is the new single from Washington’s metal amalgamation Black Breath. Absolutely ruthless, and you know shit’s legit when Kurt Ballou is on the payroll doing production.

That Nick Frost with down syndrome lookin’ motherfucker can really slap the shit out of those skins. Black Breath’s new record ‘Sentenced to Life‘ is out now and it fucking CRUSHES, BRO. Go buy it here.

Hangover killed… now open this motherfuckin’ pit up!


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Author: Juice View all posts by

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