Gin Enters the Eye of a Scene Shiticane

iwrestledabearonce live concert show review

First off, let’s state the obvious – I’m new to Hood Metal.  Our fearless Leader, Juice, was in need of some additional assistance in telling the metal world to ‘get fucked’ and I couldn’t have jumped at the opportunity any quicker.

I’ll give you the short-version of my story so we can move forward with incoherent ramblings.  I’m old, I don’t care, I don’t understand youngsters today,  and I don’t have time for bullshit.  I’m pretty sure I have your favorite record on first-press vinyl, and probably bought it while you were still in diapers with a tit in your mouth.  Most of the shit that passes as legit these days is a disgrace to the term ‘metal’, and I would love for the opportunity to find all these whiny fucks just so I can rip the stickers off their flat-billed trucker hats and tape their fucking mouths shut.  I also believe nothing is sacred when it comes to ripping on your (even my own) favorite bands.  We all need to accept that eventually our beloved artists will stop giving a fuck, and it’s our responsibility as fans to tell these bands to GET FUCKED.

Krysta Cameron iwrestledabearonceMy weekend began at a small bar nearby.  The main attraction for the night was Century Media’s t-shirt-factory darlings iwrestledabearonce. You may be asking why such a badass old-school dude such as myself would be seen at such an event, which leads me to my next point.  I dig this band, they’re weird enough to keep me interested and I believe Krysta Cameron is a damn fine frontwoman.  Her vocals are just as harsh as any dude I’ve ever heard, plus she’s easy on the eyes.  All in all, a great performance, great sound, no complaints about their set at all.

Regarding the rest of the freaks at this scene-carnival, I have nothing but complaints.  Apparently this was a five-or-six band bill, and I walked in as band #4 started, (because I have a job that pays taxes and has regular hours, something most of the night’s crowd will never know anything about).  For the life of me I can’t remember their name, and they blew anyway.  Same for the band after them… don’t remember, don’t care.  All I can tell you about band #5 is their frontman was the only other dude in the house with long hair and a death metal shirt, (Acheron to be exact), which made us completely out of place amongst the neon wife-beaters and neck-tattoos.  This led me to believe I might enjoy their set.  The old phrase still rings true – “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, there’s probably a shitty metalcore band on the first page.”

We’ve all been to shows at a small venue.  The bands have one door to load equipment through and have to fight their way through a crowd to get on stage.  Usually that door is surrounded by douchebags and BROs waiting for a handshake or a high five as if the band will remember them a second past putting their amps in the van, but this night was a completely different scene.  This door was blocked with eager jailbait sporting more X’s on their hands than a dirty trucker porn shop’s merchandise selection, all waiting in line for at least a bass player to knock them up.  How do I know (besides the giant X’s on the hand) they were underage?  Simple.  All the girls at these shows, a blend of generally nice girls and handjobbin’ skanks, usually in low-cut tops.  The ones without a tattoo of a flaming heart with angel wings on their chest are underage.  I don’t make the rules, it’s just how this shit works. I  still cannot figure out where all the mountains of empty PBR cans came from with the large number of minors that showed up. Party on, BROs.

Hardcore Punk Metal Dancing Mosh Pit

Pit ninjas.  Why haven’t you gone away yet?  I see that happen after all these years and all I can think of is how badly I’d need a nap when that shit was done.  I don’t get it, I guess I never will either.  I guess that’s part of being an angry old fuck.

On a serious note before I go, much respect to IWABO for playing the show while 4/5ths of you had the flu, especially Krysta, who took several breaks between songs to throw-up off-stage.  Had this fact not been brought to light, I wouldn’t have noticed.

That’s it for now, I promise there will be more rants and hate in the near future.

Gin

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