Hood Metal Tells Serj Tankian to Get Fucked

Serj Tankian Figure It Out

You’re into politics. You’re passionate about government, about uniting the community around you, about enriching the culture. You’re down for helping the less fortunate and making a difference. That’s what’s hot BRO, and you’re a far better man than I… contributing to society AND SHIT. I’m not intimidated by your passion, quite the contrary.

However, there’s a fine line between a sincere desire to join the discussion in effort to perpetuate change and putting on a song & dance to convince some lenseless frame wearing cunt with 1,500 followers on Instagram that you’re an ambitious intellectual with a lucrative future. All in a weak effort to enjoy 5 minutes of said cunt looking up at you with the dead stare of a goat until you pull out and shamefully ejaculate into your hand. You assholes know who you are… actually, no you don’t.

That brings me to the point of the story. Serj Tankian is back on the radar with some new solo material and has released a lyric video for “Figure it Out“.  WONDERFUL.  Time for the high school dropouts who haven’t done their own laundry since mom’s stint in rehab back in ’97 to hit the walls of Facebook and post their insightful takes on government policy. More accurately, regurgitate the biased horseshit being spewed from their metal heroes’ mouths. YEA BRAH! Fuck educating yourself and forming your own opinions, that shit’s work and my internet friends need to be force fed my ignorant horseshit RIGHT MEOW!

It’s not that I have beef with musicians getting political, whether it be through their lyrics or through the media. It’s their right, I GUESS. The problem lies in how much influence they have over the tattooed sheep who follow them around. Just because BRO has a mic in his hand, doesn’t mean he’s an intellectual, a philosopher, or even in touch with the real world.

“It’s come to the point where you almost can’t run unless you can cause people to salivate and whip each other with big sticks. You almost have to be a rock star to get the kind of fever you need to survive in American politics.” – Hunter S. Thompson

Now I’m sure ol’ Serjio is a smart enough dood and all that jazz, but seriously?! Freedom is raped by war? CEOs ARE THE DISEASE?! What kind of a sniveling, victim-of-the-world asshole do you have to be to buy this shit, let alone drop it on the world like it’s some point of contention to rally around? Answer: A metal asshole. You dorks are already used to blaming the world for your problems, right? You’re not popular because you can’t afford the trendy threads… you’re not gettin’ any pussy because personal grooming is for preppies… you can’t get a job because the mainstream doesn’t accept your tattooed face, you can’t get into college because ripping bong loads isn’t a major. I know, everyone’s out to get you.

Serj Tankian Figure it Out

Let me reiterate, I have no beef with bringing politics into the equation, but have a fucking legitimate call to action. If you’re someone inspired by the suggestion of killing off the rich people, you’re just mad jelly and mad lazy in the way you think. Why so butthurt anyway? CEOs are taking money out of YOUR pocket? I fucking doubt it. Take a moment to remind yourselves that every one of your debilitating problems in life is FIRST WORLD AS SHIT. Homeless in America borderlines wealthy in Africa. Difference being, poverty stricken African BROs aren’t under the delusion that they are entitled to an $80,000 education, $40,000 cars and homes beyond their needs and means.

Community College MEMEI can’t possibly be the only one to recognize how flat out retarded it is to think that CEOs (an absurdly broad target) are to blame for state of our country. What exactly is Serjio suggesting with his call to destroy the position of CEO? Nobody makes decisions? Does he want the government to control corporations? Is this fucking Communist China? Wait… let me guess… you could do a better job while retaining morality? I challenge you to find one CEO with equal credentials to your own. Be prepared for a fucking reality check. At this point, your business degree from Buttfuck Illinois Community College qualifies you for a cashier position at Target. DEAL WITH IT.

It’s all the same type of half-baked horseshit I hear when people start blaming Obama or Bush Jr. for shit that’s much bigger than the agenda of one man. CEOs are merely normal dicks like you and me, only difference being that they chose to work their asses off to prevail in a highly competitive world while you’ve been dominating Gears of War leader boards.

If a business isn’t growing, it’s failing. That’s simply the nature of the beast, and it’s a CEO’s obligation to make the decisions necessary to continue growth and increase profit. Whether that means laying off employees or shipping manufacturing to a third world country, it’s their responsibility to make shareholders money, period. I’m not saying it’s a perfect system, or that I agree with the tactics used by major corporations, but I also don’t have some ridiculous notion that a particular group of individuals are to blame.

Sure, there are always shitheads in the mix that are motivated solely by personal gain and will gladly manipulate to get what they want, but that’s an inherit part of humanity. If you think it’s a condition exclusive to CEOs, look the fuck around you. I’m not frontin’ like I have the answers. I’m as clueless as the rest of you, but I think it’s safe to say that our economy is a flawed system with no straight-forward solutions for its woes, and I’m certainly not going to start breaking down the science of it all on a shitty metal blog.

The problem is that morals and capitalism don’t mix, and THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE… CUZ STONE COLD SAYS SO. Instead of jumping at every opportunity you get to point the finger… analyze, make your own decisions and take your own stand. You are not some ham-fisted furniture breaking machines who’s too stupid to have a voice. Look at your heroes subjectively, don’t be indoctrinated into some goateed loudmouth’s agenda just because you like the music. Take responsibility for what you can control, take care of the people around you, and strive to be something in this world. I promise you it will make a more impactful difference than killing CEOs.

Special thanks to contributor/editor MRM.


  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Myspace
  • Google Buzz
  • Reddit
  • Stumnleupon
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • Technorati
Author: Juice View all posts by

Leave A Response

You must be logged in to post a comment.