CRAIGSLIST FLOATERS – Pretentious Pittsburgh Poseur

Craigslist Hood Metal

Don’t flush, we’ve got another turd to fish out of the Craigslist toilet bowl.  This round of Floaters features a clever and biting satirist (at least in his own reefer-addled mind) from Pittsburgh.  Objective of this grandiose dickbag?  Attention.

Craigslist Hood Metal Floaters

Now I realize that due to the complete lack of humor metalheads have about themselves, you might not have caught the sarcasm… but obviously this shit’s not for realz.  One thing is crystal clear though, this BRO thinks very highly of himself, as most anonymous internet trolls do.  Another thing that’s clear is that this dork has no fucking clue what it’s like to be a legit touring musician on any scale, and this is just a manifestation of his inner-butthurt due to his profound inadequacy in life.  Either that, or someone’s pissy ‘cuz no one will join his Emperor cover band.

Serial… how many pretentious dorks do you know who will drop bombs on easy targets like Nickelback, only to be simultaneously telling their Facebook BROs how rad the new Finger Eleven record is?  Point of the story?  Everybody thinks their fuckin’ taste-makers with a unique perspective on music, despite the fact that they suckle at the same teet as everyone else.

What’s worse are the local musician burnouts.  To these empty vessels, everyone who isn’t down with whatever obscure sub-genre they worship is a poseur.  What these “posers” are supposedly frontin’ as cannot be accurately defined, but they’re fuggin’ faking it, BIG TIME… and burnout guy senses it like a gay dood spotting a fellow penis enthusiast at a straight bar.  Without a shred of self-awareness, the musician burnout and self-described “tortured soul” will wax on about their inability to compromise their “artistic vision”, and they’ll let you know at every opportunity that if THEY were in Metallica, Load would have never happened. Record contracts? Demanding fans?  Paying the bills?  Non-factors.  The music is what matters, or at least that’s what they preach from behind the counter to confused Pizza Hut patrons. THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO SELL OUT, BRAH.

Anyway, we get what you’re doing, BRO, and your shit’s weak… and certainly not funny.  Hit the pine. Quit wasting your time concerning yourself with the nature of someone else’s success and start grinding.  No one gives a shit, no one’s going to tend to your soiled diaper, and nobody likes a hater. Unless, of course, you do it with the style and finesse of, well… ME… or maybe by boy Beautiful


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Author: Juice View all posts by

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