The Bitch is Back

Elton John The Bitch is Back

SKEET SKEET, you sleeveless alpha pricks! Ya boy Juice is back from hiatus, probably only to be followed by another hiatus, which will be briefly delayed by this post, a series of naps and a few trips to the fridge for some scoops of week old cookie dough. Hi-5s all around for gluttony! Honestly though, I’ve just been busy enjoying summer and lettin’ the nuts hang. Buying a house, railin’ ruts like a BOSS with my motocross BROsquad, and taking in enough rays poolside to burst JWOWW’s tittie like a fuggin’ baked potato. Shit’s been real. Plus THE MAN has been balls deep in my ass, but you know the deal, GOTTA STACK THAT PAPAH SUN.

Just because I’ve been sippin’ Dom Pérignon poolside doesn’t mean I haven’t kept up on the world of metal & hardcore, that’s why God gave us iPads and I’ve missed a bunch of big stories over the past few months, and I’ll rewind some shit I actually care about and blatantly ignore the shit YOU care about… probably. For instance: I don’t give a fuck what batshit, looney tunes drivel is currently flying out the mouth of one David Mustaine. Legend or not, why anyone pays any mind to the rants of some dead-eyed, aging thrash guitarist/xenophobe completely baffles me. I realize we all need idols, but let’s just stick to celebrating their more noble feats, feel me? I’m not one of those spaz fanboys that requires my favorite artists’ opinions and ideals to align with my own. “MARK HUNTER AND I BOTH VOTED OBAMA BRO!” … “OH MY FUCKING GOD! I USE THE SAME VAPORIZER AS CEPHALIC CARNAGE!”  GET FUCKED

Another biggie was everyone’s favorite scraggly-assed ex-Twitter bandit and Lamb of God frontman, Randy Blythe, getting arrested on manslaughter charges in Prague. This story has been covered extensively so I’ll keep my thoughts brief… the charges are bullshit. Luckily, Randall has since been released from Prague after a short stay in the clink. The world keeps spinnin’.

Aside from that, Matt Pike went into rehab, Matt Pike successfully emerged from rehab, Phil Labonte of All That Remains called Tom Morello a communist, P.O.D. released a new record (lulz), Emmure put out like three (double lulz), Juff Tuttle left Dillinger Escape Plan, Baroness were in a crazy bus accident, some sweet guitar-BRO known as Drewsif Stalin emerged from the interwebz doing ballin’ ass metal covers of Katy Perry, CNN mistook Hatebreed as a white a power band, and I’m sure a million other truly Earth-shattering metal developments that my drug-addled mind can’t recall or was completely oblivious to. Yea, boss-hoggin’ on the dirt bike all summer was the right move.

So on we march. Look forward to me dropping new posts covering old news, LIKE IT’S HOT. The bitch is back.


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Author: Juice View all posts by

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