Quit Your Band, Crazy Town Has Returned

Crazy Town Band

Good day, gents. I haven’t yet had the pleasure of making your acquaintance so please forgive me as I attempt to break the ice and introduce myself. My name is Steve. Steve French. I’m a big fan of cherry flavored Twizzlers, Keystone Light, and.. oh yeah, throwing down some Joey Karate on motherfuckers that get lippy with me in the pit. Just kidding, I’m that 27 year old year office-twat rockin’ Banana Republic tees and Burberry glasses, standing in the back, being judged by all the scene kids. I’m feeling self-conscious already.

ANYWAY. Now that introductions have been formally conducted, let’s get out of these fucking pants and get on with the real topic of this post. Crazy Fuck Town is BACK, you nerdboats. Never knew they left? Didn’t give a fuck to begin with? Neither did I, until I saw this EPIC teaser. The band has resurfaced after a brief (lol 10 year lol) hiatus to record a brand new EP titled “The Brimstone Sluggers“. I have no fucking clue what that means, but I’m sure it’ll include plenty of fresh flat-billed hats and some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedickuously phat beatzzz that only a couple of washed up 40-year-old recovering drug addicts can provide. That’s just my take though, and I’ve been told that I’m a little ball of negativity.

Jokes aside, I’m actually the slightest bit excited for this release. Sure, Crazy Train is pretty laughable by today’s standards (the frontmen’s names are fucking Shifty and Epic for science’s sake) but their most notable track, “Butterfly”, was un-fucking-deniable back in it’s day. Straight panty-dropper. If you’re trying to front like you didn’t jam that tune CONSTANTLY then you’re lying to yourself and, quite frankly, I don’t want you on the team (just kidding, get back on the team. I need all the franz I can get).

I plan on giving this record a shot. I figure that, if nothing more, it might rekindle some fond memories of my middle school days spent slowly massaging my genitals while imagining Courtney from Biology class as she indulges in a Blow Pop. Contrary to the personal experiences reported by other posters on this highly reputable site, I was actually a pretty cool dude back then… not some needledick outcast showing up to the bus stop wearing his Star Wars virgin armor t-shirts every fuck day. I ROCKED JNCOS, THANK YOU.

Now that my appointment with you fine people has concluded, please excuse me as I have another engagement. I plan to get drunk.

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Author: Steve French View all posts by

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